(or “Good Gravy, I Miss My Tiny Handbags!”)

WARNING: If you have on your favorite outfit, it is open season on Mommy. The amount of grime that comes in contact with said article of clothing is directly proportionate to the degree of complexity and expense to clean that outfit. Your baby’s stomach could have been harmonious for the past week, but the moment you pick her up she’ll lose her cookies all over you with extreme prejudice. If your toddler hasn’t noticed you all day he most certainly will the moment you walk into the room dressed to kill. He’ll be compelled to shower you with strawberry jam hugs and kisses.

I’ve noticed that since my kids were born I’ve obsessed less about my appearance than any other time in my life. It may be a horrific side effect of being overscheduled - do I feed the kids breakfast or apply my makeup? Maybe it’s a shift in priorities – do I change my grubby shirt or change the kid’s soiled diaper (this also depends if you have an unsuspecting diaper changer within your reach)? Do not even get me started on how many days a week I wear Target Lounge Pants and a t-shirt. I am not proud of this lax new attitude – I’ve just learned to accept it.

At this time, I don’t have the luxury of caring about dried spittle on my shoulder or spaghetti sauce handprints on my sleeve. I’ve come to wear it like a badge of courage – a sort of Mommy accessory. It says, “I have children, I’m a mess, don’t look at me that way or I’ll rip your frickin’ head off!”

Truth be told, I will embrace a total stranger with a baby on her hip, dried Cheerios in her hair and a blob of strained peaches decorating the front of her blouse and say, “Welcome to the sisterhood! You look FABULOUS!”

I know I pledged to keep this website positive, but I have a grievance to air. For Pete’s sake, would it KILL Gwen Stefani to add some laminated options to her L.A.M.B. clothing collection for us mothers? I’ve seen her holding Kingston in plenty of pictures, so you just know that kid’s barfed on her at some time. You think the idea would have occurred to the girl by now!

What are your secrets for looking magnificent or how have learned to accept your post-child “fashion lapses”?